Thoughts That Illuminate
When Everything Seems To Go Wrong

A while ago my family had an experience of lice.  As I went into combat against the invisible
enemy that had invaded my home I was aware of the terror that flooded my mind.  Then
it
happened.  What is “it”?  “IT’” is the multitude of “fear and attack” events that follow after the
initial one. Following the lice I then experienced a potential loss of insurance, neighbors
attacking from both sides, seeing unloving behavior in my relationships, etc.  It felt as if I
slipped on a rock by going into fear with the lice, only to fall head-first into the abyss of
problems.  

Has
“It” ever happened to you?  You’re going along maintaining an inner state of balance
and peace and one event comes along to disturb you.  This seems to trigger an avalanche
of subsequent experiences that buries you and darkens your world.  

Thankfully, I have learned a thing or two from my Beloved Teacher.  Therefore I had another
way to look at these problems other than getting lost in combat trying to fix each external
event.  I first noticed the temptation to believe these ideas and the temptation to act from
fear.  I acknowledged that the only way to be at peace again was to address what had gone
on in the mind, not in the world.  I asked the Holy Spirit to help me see the error in thinking
so I could find my way out of the abyss I had fallen into.  The Holy Spirit impressed upon my
mind a very clear message:

“This (seeing a darkened world) is a choice you are making. You think it happens without
your consent- that the world takes over and pushes you into the abyss of problems and fear.
Nothing could be further from the truth. It is a decision you are making in an effort to bring
this darkened world into your awareness so you can once again believe you are separate
and in control.  “There is no individual you”- this is the most fearful idea to the false ‘i’. Your
current experience of needing to fix or control external events is designed by you so you can
reinforce your idea that the world is still under your individual control; not God’s.  This is one
of the many games you play to have an experience of separation.  Here is the question you
must answer: “What is it you want to Be?  Do you want to continue to pretend to be an
individual with control of its world or do you want to Be who you are; a holy Son at one with
Your Father? Each answer comes with its own experiences.”

Even though this message felt right, it was still difficult to believe that the choice was
between a separated self or a Self in unity with the Creator. It was even more challenging to
accept that there was still a desire to be separate. That night I was given a dream to help
me see this clearly.

The dream begins with me moving out of my home where I had lived for many years
(symbolic of Heaven) and moving into a new home (symbolic of this world).  I am excited
about the move because I will finally be on my own.  I walk into the house and I am horrified
at what I see.  It is run down with holes in the wall, chipped paint and dirty floors. The house
is extremely tiny with no doors to separate the rooms.  There are people everywhere.
Apparently I have to share this house with others. The more I look around the more I panic.
Where is my nurturing office where I can pursue my life’s work? Where is the open space
and the quiet atmosphere? How can I ever feel safe here?  You might think I feel remorse at
this point, realizing the error in deciding to leave my home in the first place and just decide
to move back home. But instead I begin stomping around like a two year old screaming,
“This is nothing like my home!!  I want it to be just like my old home!!”  I don’t want to leave
this new home because here I can be independent. I want this new place to give me all the
things I had in my old home; peace, serenity, safety; purpose.  Realizing I would never have
both, I begin beating on the walls, completely out of control with rage.

This dream showed me that my desire for God was not yet my only desire and taught me to
look without blinders at what the choice for separation really got me. As I took a good look
at what it is like to live independently, I asked myself; “Is it a sacrifice to give this up? Is there
really any joy in separating?”  For the first time I saw my choices clearly.  Choose separation
and you choose all the experiences that come with it. Choose dependence on God and God’
s reality and choose the experience of Heaven.  This is what you would call a no-brainer
decision.  How simple is the choice when we can see clearly what we are choosing
between!

Our experiences of separation may look different in form but we share the one choice from
which they all stem.  The choice to be an individual self separated from our Creator and
from each other.  If we saw clearly how the choice of separation fails to give us the safety,
happiness, and peace that we long for, we would simply make another choice.  We can do
this right now.  When
it happens, say to the Holy Spirit; “I can see clearly now. My individual
self and all its experiences I do not want.  I choose Heaven.”

(Reference: ACIM T.28.IV.10:6)


Written by: Patti Fields